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Invisible Change and Loving Enemies

Invisible Change and Loving Enemies

Also: Book recommendation, hot jobs, and more

Srishti
September 03, 2024

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Yeah, fun stuff today!

We all have things we want to change in life.

Here are just a few I hear from people all the time:

Better health, both mental and physical
New career opportunity
Earning more money
Improved relationships
Where we live

The list goes on and on…

But sometimes we’re so focused on the changes that we HAVEN’T made yet and we miss the changes we already HAVE made.

We’ll look at that today.

Oh, and also a great book to read basically every 4 years during a presidential election cycle to improve discourse and ways of interacting with people who may not see things the same way you do.

In today’s newsletter:

Change isn’t always visible immediately
How to bring more love into the public discourse
Hot jobs

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CAREER TIPS

Just Because You Can’t See the Change, Doesn’t Mean It’s Not Happening

If ice is at 20 degrees Fahrenheit, it is solid ice. If ice heats up to 31 degrees Fahrenheit, it remains solid ice. Yet with a temperature change of just one more degree, ice begins to melt.

Before this point, the ice was heating up and gaining energy, but there was no visible change until it started to melt at 32 degrees. Even then, it will remain at 32 degrees as it takes a large amount of heat (called latent heat) to break down the molecules and move them through a complete phase transformation from ice to water.

How can we relate this to how people change in our lives? Here are a few ideas:

Suspend judgment

As leaders, colleagues, friends, and family members, it is easy to look at others and wish for them to change or adjust their behavior to make our lives easier. And why not? If John or Jane would get more work done or be more self-sufficient, the whole team would look better, right?

We must remember that all we can see is the outward actions of others. We don't know what is going on inside that is driving that action. Let's start by extending a bit of grace to others before passing judgment—just like you would appreciate someone extending grace to you.

Help others see the change

Just as we can only see the outward expressions of others, sometimes that's all that people use to judge themselves. For example, when I started exercising regularly, I focused a lot on measuring weight. It didn't change much over a whole year. Yet, when someone suggested I use other less obvious measurements, like strength tests and body fat percentage, those metrics had changed dramatically from where I started.

How can you utilize "secondary" measurements like this and look for positive ways the people in your life are improving? Recognizing progress brings a lot of joy to work and life. If you can help someone see progress that they can't see in themselves, it will be a great blessing.

Ask others to help see the change in you

Let's flip the script from the last section. Are you your own worst critic? Do you struggle to allow yourself to acknowledge the progress you have made, instead of focusing on what you haven't been able to accomplish? If so, you're not alone. Here are a few ideas to invite others into your own change process:

Ask for positive feedback—Directly asking others to identify ways you are doing well or improving can help you believe what you may not believe yourself.
Avoid negative people—Some people are just negative about every facet of their lives. Being around them has a tendency to rub off on you. Find positive people.
Open up - It can be hard to open up to others about some of your deepest feelings and insecurities. Yet this vulnerability can invite the true connection to feel accepted and changed.

It's true that change can be difficult, but by suspending judgment, helping others see the change, and asking others to help you change, we can create an environment where change is encouraged, supported, recognized, and celebrated. As people, we rise together. Make a decision today to be the catalyst for helping those around you.

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📚 BOOK RECOMMENDATION

Love Your Enemies: How Decent People Can Save America from the Culture of Contempt by Arthur C. Brooks

To get ahead, you have to be a jerk, right?

Divisive politicians. Screaming heads on television. Angry campus activists. Twitter trolls. Today in America, there is an “outrage industrial complex” that prospers by setting Americans against Americans, creating a “culture of contempt”—the habit of seeing people who disagree with us not as merely incorrect, but as worthless and defective. Maybe, like more than nine out of ten Americans, you dislike it. But hey, either you play along, or you’ll be left behind, right?

Wrong.

In Love Your Enemies, social scientist and author Arthur C. Brooks shows that abuse and outrage are not the right formula for lasting success. Brooks blends cutting-edge behavioral research, ancient wisdom, and a decade of experience leading one of America’s top policy think tanks in a work that offers a better way to lead based on bridging divides and mending relationships.

Brooks’ prescriptions are unconventional. To bring America together, we shouldn’t try to agree more. There is no need for mushy moderation, because disagreement is the secret to excellence. Civility and tolerance shouldn’t be our goals, because they are hopelessly low standards. And our feelings toward our foes are irrelevant; what matters is how we choose to act.

Love Your Enemies offers a clear strategy for victory for a new generation of leaders. It is a rallying cry for people hoping for a new era of American progress. Most of all, it is a roadmap to arrive at the happiness that comes when we choose to love one another, despite our differences.